


Mostly Fruit Juice

by fannishliss



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Het and Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 15:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannishliss/pseuds/fannishliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River has a scheme to surprise the Doctor, and gets Jack to join in.  Jack discovers that River has more than one surprise up her sleeve. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Mostly Fruit Juice

title:  Mostly Fruit Juice  
Author: [](http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/)**fannishliss**  
pairings: Eleven/River, Jack/mystery guest (slash)  
rating: PG  
warning: Drinking, hinted mind-altering substances  
length:  
spoilers: none, but this story is CoE compliant

Summary: River has a scheme to surprise the Doctor, and gets Jack to join in.  Jack discovers that River has more than one surprise up her sleeve. 

[Prompted](http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/135130.html?thread=1290970#t1290970) by [](http://betawho.livejournal.com/profile)[**betawho**](http://betawho.livejournal.com/): River and Captain Jack are pulling a prank on the 11th Doctor, but it twists in the middle and ends up being River and the Doctor pulling a prank on Jack.

====  
  
"It'll be fun," River urged.

"I like fun," Jack said.

"You don't sound very excited."

"I'm excited," Jack said.  "Look at this face. It's my excited face." Jack opened his eyes and mouth as wide as they would go, lifted his eyebrows high, and subjected his mouth to a maniacal grin.  He waved his hands near his head and bounced on his toes.  "Excited is my middle name!" he sang out, grinning.

"You've gone too far," River said, frowning.

"Whoo," Jack sighed, relaxing.  "That did hurt my face a little.  Wow." He bared his teeth in a grimace, trying to relax his cheek muscles.

"The two of you have been acting so grim!" River said.  "You need to loosen up.  A little harmless fun."

"Yeah," said Jack, drily. "Harmless fun is what the Doctor needs."

"What the lady ordered!" River smiled.

"Mm," Jack agreed.

"Step one, program our flight so that the Tardis knows where to take us," River said, dancing lightly around the console, pulling this, poking that,  twisting sundry and odd.

"You're good at that," Jack said appreciatively.  

"Born to it, you know," River said, modestly. "There, now -- when he comes drifting in here, I just lean my elbow accidentally on this control and pow -- "

"Pow?  That's only a little less alarming than 'kaboom!'"

River rolled her eyes.  "Okay, maybe, how about 'ding ding ding'!"  

"Nice, much more pleasant," Jack agreed.

"Ding ding ding!  We zoop off into the vortex and rematerialize right where we want him.  He can't resist a look round when he lands somewhere at random.  He'll just pop out and then we'll have him." River smiled, sly.

"If you say so," Jack said.

"Jack, darling, what could go wrong?" River smiled breezily.

"Trust me, sister, I'm not the man you should ask a question like that."

River's pretty brow wrinkled.  "Well, anyway, nothing will go wrong, we'll have a laugh, a good time will be had by all."

Jack smiled.   "Are you going to go see what he's up to?"

"I know what he's up to.  I sent him to the galley for tea.  He should be back soon."

"The Doctor, playing tea boy," Jack said, smiling slightly.  "I never thought I'd see the day."

"I hope he remembers the chocolates," River mused.

"I did, of course," the Doctor said.  He came up the ramp with a full tea tray: pot of tea, three cups and saucers, milk, sugar, and an assortment of biscuits and chocolates.  The tray had a clever design that latched it to the edge of one of the railings, making a shelf that was quite stable.  The Doctor hooked the tray in place, and then he poured for Jack and River, and lastly for himself, heaping the sugar into his cup.  

Jack held his cup pensively, staring.

"Would you care for milk or sugar?" River asked.

"No, thanks," Jack said, and took a tiny sip of the hot drink.  His eyes were full of memories.

"Pot of tea, good friends, hobnobs, chocolates -- what more could one wish?" the Doctor asked, a bit nervously.

"Indeed!" River smiled, selecting a silky looking square of dark chocolate.  

Jack nodded and took another sip.  

"Where shall we go next?" the Doctor asked, darting his gaze from Jack to River.

"Let's see!" River said, and leaned on her preselected control.

"What?" the Doctor said, as the Tardis honed in on her coordinates.  Before the Doctor could react, the short journey was complete and the Tardis landed with a thunk.

"Oh!" River said.  "Where have we got to? Let's see -- this will tell us -- " She jiggled a toggle.  

"No! River, that toggle clears the coordinates for the next flight," the Doctor said.

"Guess we'll just have to look around the old fashioned way," River said, her eyes gleaming.

"I suppose so," the Doctor said, slowly.

Jack shrugged and drank his tea.  The Doctor and River watched him and waited till he was finished.  

"One more piece of chocolate?" the Doctor asked Jack.  Jack hadn't had any.

"No thanks, the tea was great though," he said.  He pulled on his coat from the coat rack.  It was an old brown barn jacket, nothing special.

The Doctor's brow wrinkled slightly but he said nothing, sweeping on his own coat while River buttoned herself into her latest, a long flowing silky-looking green thing more like a peignoir than outerwear, but knowing River it would probably stop bullets and go invisible at the press of a button.

They walked out together.  

"Space station," Jack said, and the Doctor and River nodded.  There was that certain hum, that syrupy-sticky feeling of artificial gravity.  

"Big one, I think," the Doctor said.  "Must be a port."

"Ah, tourists, my favorite!" River sang.

"Everything is your favorite," Jack pointed out.

"It's true!" she agreed with a wide smile.

The station was rather cleaner than Jack expected.  It reminded him of a shopping mall.  Tiers of businesses, loads of foot traffic -- but in the era of Earth shopping malls there had never been so many different kinds of creature rubbing shoulders with humanity.  He could see why River liked it.  The Doctor smiled faintly, darting his eyes through the crowd.  Jack let River subtly steer the Doctor along, stopping from time to time to gawk at things in the shops.  Jack kept his hands in his pockets and just swam along behind them, through the crowd, like a camouflaged shark.  He still had his old instincts -- which people were suspicious and cunning, which trustful enough to dupe, which too uninteresting to be worth the effort.

The Doctor had learned the name of the space station.  It rang some sort of bell with Jack, but then, that was nothing he wasn't used to.  He'd been around the block quite a few times by now.  The station had the same familiar feeling many human habitats called up in him -- the feeling that people had made this, perfected it, and were now rolling around in it, like cats on their caregivers' bed.  In some ways, Jack thought, a city street or a space station concourse or a track through a rustic village -- it was all the same.  

They'd been walking a while when River pulled the Doctor toward a door.  

"Let's go in here!  I think I've heard of this place.  Haven't you, Jack?" she said, her eyes widening slightly.  

"Yeah!  Let's go in!" Jack tried to sound enthusiastic.  River pulled open the heavy door, lavishly carved out of wood and swinging easily on its hinges.   A jumble of noise and a rather moist atmosphere of revelry flowed out -- just the kind of place Jack had been in hundreds, maybe thousands of times before.  

"This is not … " the Doctor began, hanging back.

"Ah, come on, Doc," Jack said, flashing a smile. "Live a little."  

The Doctor smiled tentatively at Jack, and Jack patted him on the shoulder, so they went on in. River cocked her finger at Jack and fired an imaginary gun.  He just nodded and brought up the rear as River took the Doctor's arm a little more closely.

River led the Doctor straight to the bar.

"I don't really," the Doctor said.  

"But you should though! You really should!" River insisted, widening her eyes at him.  The Doctor blushed.  

Jack took an open stool and leaned back to watch the proceedings.  

The bartender came over.  

"Three Larvae Hullbangers, and we want the good larvae," River said.  

"Sure thing," the bartender said.  She gave the high sign to one of the servers, who came over.  "These three want The Room."

The server clapped his hands together, gave them a little bow, and sped away, ostensibly to prepare The Room.  

"Room?  Larvae?" The Doctor's eyes were wide with trepidation.  

"I. Dare. You," River said, weighing down each word.  

"Why do we want larvae?" the Doctor said, still horrified.  

"These are the very best.  They have their own strain and grow them here at the bar in their own hyperjuice."

"But, larvae," the Doctor repeated.  "No. No, River.  I'm a vegetarian.  Except for the fish fingers, and I don't think they even count?"

"Oh, sweetie," River said,  "You don't actually consume the larvae.  They're only in the drink during the preparation.  They aren't even harmed.  They hatch out later into unicorn beetles."

"Unicorn beetles..." the Doctor said.  He sounded so uncertain, though the thought of the Doctor not knowing something did kind of cheer Jack up.

"You get a special room with this drink?" Jack said.  He had to file this bar away to remember for the future.  

"Mm," River said vaguely.  Just then the server came along to lead them to The Room.

It was a standard restaurant side room in the classical tatami style, with a woven straw floor covering and a low table surrounded by cushions.  

"Oh, this is very nice," the Doctor said, sounding a bit relieved.  

"Were you expecting something with rather more shackles? I'm sure that could be arranged," River purred as she seated herself beside the Doctor.

"No!  Of course not!" the Doctor sputtered. He sat carefully, keeping a straight back.   River busied herself making sure the Doctor's cushions hadn't bunched up.  

Jack made himself comfortable, while River reclined as though it were the norm in her eating arrangements.  

The server appeared with a cart, which he unloaded onto the tatami room table.  

First, and most dauntingly, he unloaded a large glass apothecary jar full of blue tinted juice.  Swimming energetically around in the juice were dozens of plump larvae with long antennae, fat abdomens, and tiny limbs.  Jack leaned in to have a look, and the larvae gathered in a clump close to the glass. They were staring back at him.  

"Oh. River, what." The Doctor was completely at a loss for words.   

"Sh, sweetie, just watch."   

The server took a variety of things off the cart and placed them on the low table: a clear glass pitcher, several bottles of liquor, a tray of strange looking blue fruit, a knife, tongs, a measuring cup, and last but not least, three martini glasses.

The server took the lid off the glass jar.  The larvae in the jar immediately lost interest in Jack and swam to the top.  The server cut the blue fruit into quarters lengthwise, and grabbing one of the quarters with the tongs, he submerged it in the jar and began to swirl it around.  The larvae went mad, darting at the fruit, taking big chunks out of it, and diving with them to the bottom of the jar.  The server continued swirling the fruit around until the larvae lost interest.  He put the rest of the fruit back onto the cart.

The jar had a spigot on the bottom, and the server took three measures of the juice and poured it into the pitcher.  The larvae swam more languidly now that they had fed.  The server poured different amounts of the various liquors (Jack had no idea what they were) into the measuring cup and added them to the pitcher.  He stirred it well with a long spoon and poured the drink into the three martini glasses.  Finally he added little umbrellas and served the drinks with a flourish.  

"To your health," he said, bowed, and trundled away the cart, closing the shoji door behind him.

River immediately picked up her glass, and Jack continued to go along with her.  The Doctor stared at his glass for a minute, while Jack and River waited patiently for him to pick it up.  

"Through the lips and past the gums," River purred.

"Watch out, stomach, here it comes!" Jack finished.  

The Doctor made a face and took a sip.  He immediately reeled back, then took a much bigger swallow.  

"This is delicious!" he said, turning shocked looks from River to Jack.  

"It's mostly fruit juice, after all," River said.  Her mischievous look sparkled.  

Jack wasn't so sure it was mostly fruit juice.  He took a tiny sip.  It tingled.  

The Doctor drained his glass, and River began to cackle with delight.  

"Oh, that was amazing.  And I don't like anything!" the Doctor said.  "Can I have another?"

"Let's see how the first one hits you," River said.  She'd barely taken a sip herself.  

Before his eyes, Jack saw the Doctor wobble, then he lost his composure completely and fell against River, beaming with happiness.  

"That drink is the best I've ever had!" the Doctor shouted. "Ahh!"  He crooned a long tone of satisfaction.  

River rearranged the cushions again so that the Doctor was leaning comfortably back against her.  

"Jack," she said, "could you be a doll and go ask our server for a bowl of chocolate mousse?" River batted her eyelashes at Jack.  

"Say no more," Jack said.  "You want my drink for him?"

"You should have another swallow before you surrender it," River said.  "It's not everywhere you can get a Larvae Hullbanger this good."

Jack took a bigger sip.  It tingled mightily in his mouth, and warmed him all the way down.  

"That -- is really good," he said to River.  "I better go while I still can."

"I love you, Jack!" the Doctor called out loudly, waving a hand wildly in Jack's direction.  

Jack grasped his hand.  He'd waited hundreds of years to hear that.  "I love you too, Doc," he said, and got the hell out of there.  

He stood outside the tatami room and took a deep breath, then looked around to see if he could spot the server to put in the order for River's mousse.  

From behind him, through the closed shoji, came a long loud whoop of pure enjoyment. The Doctor was utterly blissed out.  

And there, against the bar, stood Alonso Frame.  

"I'll have what he's having," Alonso grinned, raising his glass to Jack.  

Jack's jaw dropped.  What were the odds?  How?  

Oh.  River had not only set the Doctor up, she'd set Jack up too.  Maybe, even, this was more of a setup for Jack.  He could see it all now.  The Doctor must've told River some time about seeing Jack -- he now realized -- in this very bar.  

Alonso was such a great guy.  The two of them had hit it off.  But Jack hadn't been ready for more than one night.  He'd left Alonso reluctantly, but knowing it wasn't right for him to get involved while his heart was still aching so badly from so many losses.  

A lot of time had passed for him since then.  Judging by Alonso's appearance, almost no time at all had passed for him.  

"Hi," Jack said, slipping up beside Alonso.  "Long time since I saw you last."

Alonso was smiling broadly  "Long time?  It was only last week."

"Last week?"  Jack was amazed.  River really was a much more accurate pilot of the Tardis than the Doctor was.  

"Lost track of time, have you?" Alonso asked.  

"No -- it's -- I travel in time.  It's been a really long time for me," Jack said openly.

"You told me something like that," Alonso reminded Jack.  

"I'm almost never honest," Jack said, laughing at himself.

"I don't agree," Alonso said, watching Jack happily.

"It's been so long since anyone looked at me like that," Jack said.  

"Like what?" Alonso asked.  His blue eyes were sincere and open, regarding Jack with warmth.  

"Like -- " Jack halted.  "Like -- you want to spend time with me.  Like, it makes you happy to have me around."

Alonso lifted his hand gently to the back of Jack's neck and pulled him in for a kiss.  Their lips brushed lightly, but Jack could feel the affection flowing off Alonso in waves.  

"It does," Alonso said sweetly.   "Very happy. But, you said you weren't ready for more than an evening together.  Has that changed?"

Jack thought about it.  He enjoyed traveling with the Doctor and River, but there was something about it that didn't quite fit.  River was so carefree and always wanted to play.  The Doctor liked that, but for Jack, it felt hollow.  He needed a quieter life -- at least for a while.  

"I'm not sure what changed exactly," he said.  "But if you want, we could see what happens.  Maybe you don't have that kind of time."

"I don't have all the time in the world," Alonso said, "but I have privileges to bring someone along with me on tours."

"I would love that," Jack said.  

"You could even work, you know," Alonso said.  

"Work?" Jack asked.  He hadn't worked since Torchwood.  He didn't need to.  He had long term investments paying off in every human era by now.  

"In one of the lounges on board.  Singing.  You're fantastic!"   Alonso blushed, but Jack could see he was sincere.  

It made a strange picture in his head.  Singing in a lounge on a cruise ship.  Traveling with Alonso instead of the Doctor.  Making a decision about where to be that wasn't the lesser of two evils.  

"That's very nice of you," Jack said.  He hadn't thought of singing professionally in years, though he had done it from time to time.  

"Do you want to get out of here -- find someplace a little quieter?" Alonso asked.

"I really do.  I just have to tell my friends," Jack said.  He turned, and Alonso gripped his upper arm for a second lightly before letting go.  

Jack went back and rattled the shoji, then stuck his head in.  The Doctor looked a little mussed, but so very happy.  River was flushed and beaming.  

"I never found the server -- but I did find Alonso," he said.  

"Hurrah!" River cheered. The Doctor waved two hands rather randomly.  

"I'm leaving with him tonight -- but I'll see you tomorrow.  Don't let the Doctor take off without me -- again!!"  Jack said.  

"Of course not," River said.  "We'll see you tomorrow."

Jack gave her the thumbs up, she winked, and he went back to Alonso.  

"I'm so glad to see you again," Alonso said.

"I was only gone a minute," Jack laughed.  

Alonso smiled, and didn't say any more, just offered Jack his arm, which Jack accepted, feeling lighter than he had in a long, long time


End file.
